Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand how hurricane paths work

Why don't people like Nickelback?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I actually pay taxes

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Does pressing a girls boobs hurt?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I can read

Stanford Doctors Invent Device That Appears to Be Able to Save Tons of Stroke Patients Before They Die - futurism.com

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

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I see through liars

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Bad Botox? Six cases of botulism on the South Shore tied to possible Botox injections - The Boston Globe

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Samsung could drop Google Gemini in favor of Perplexity for Galaxy S26 - Ars Technica

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Eum ipsa id ullam qui.

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

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authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

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I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

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Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Do you prefer wired headphones or wireless earbuds?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Dave Chappelle and Mo Amer on Politics and Comedy, SNL Monologues - Variety

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t buy bullshit

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I can count

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”